People are More Like Gardens

11 Days Until Liftoff. 

Somewhere during my senior year of college, I began to take this stance of "no excuses." There was no excuse to get my work done, and therefore, there is no excuse from anyone else that would be acceptable. I suppose that might be what happens when I lost a friend from middle school, worked two ResEd jobs, had a full time internship, and I was still a full-time student. My first post also spoke about those accomplishments, but really, I just spent a lot of time pushing myself through the end. College is like a four year marathon and now I'm breathless.

So, while I took up this "No Excuses" stance, I forgot my number one rule: People are beautiful because of all the reasons they're not "perfect" (and not being perfect, means there are exceptions to my college completing rule). People are beautiful for their baggage, their stories, their mistakes. They're eccentric and exciting because of their interests and regions and skills. They're outstanding for every difficulty they've overcome. As an extrovert, I must believe that people are excellent.

People are like gardens. The person standing in front of you is the day's crop, the day's flowers, the day's well-maintained backyard. Of course, there are roots underneath. Each year, each important event creates a new root - new addition is made. While this may seem elementary as a metaphor, it's my way of justifying what is classified as immoral, inappropriate, violent human behavior. Somewhere along the line, an event occurred and the garden wasn't as pure anymore - it's not so well maintained, now there are weeds and no one comes to take care of the garden anymore. There is always the option to come back to your garden, to take care of yourself again, but not everyone is ready go back.

So, how does this apply to Americorps? If I said I wasn't nervous and anxious about meeting new people and making friends, I actually wouldn't be able to make it through the damn sentence as it is such a lie. I get nervous reading the Facebook page, I get nervous thinking about the plane, I get anxious thinking about being away from my blood-relatives and self-made-family-of-friends for the first time in my life. Sure, MSU wasn't my house, but it was still NJ. So, here I am, and I have a choice: Do I leave the garden untended? Do I let the doubts and worries grow in light of the "no excuses" policy? Or do I go back to the garden, get some fresh air, and get to work remembering what I like so much about talking to people?

It's high time for new stories to listen to and to grow a new section of memories in my life. I have a choice, and for 11 more days until liftoff I'm staying positive. 

30 Days to go? Maybe I Should be Honest With Myself

“You're never as good as everyone tells you when you win, and you're never as bad as they say when you lose” - Lou Holtz

With only 30 more days to go, I think it's important to stop and acknowledge whether I've made any progress on the goals I set at the beginning of the summer.

In June, I said I would lose 30 pounds (in addition to the 19 I had already lost) before California, I'd be running everyday and I'd be down to a 10-minute mile. I'd be lifting, I'd have my room clean by September, and I'd have read at least 5 books. Let's discuss.

I've lost 7 pounds. That brings my grand total of weight loss to 26 pounds since I hit my heaviest weight at the end of my junior year. I've been maintaining my weight for almost a month - I'm going to be honest and say maintain and not plateau because I don't necessarily think I've been giving this whole thing the good old college try since camp ended on August 16th. I've ran twice on the pavement since receiving my knee brace the first week of August. Twice. I brought my time from a 15-minute-mile to a 13-minute-mile, but I've only gone twice.

As a side note, I've dislocated my kneecap 3 times and I am not athletically inclined. Years of being teased out of dance, sports, and orchestra left me to theatre in high school, where I was shut down about my singing and dancing. So, here I am: believing I am relatively talentless and extremely uncoordinated. The injuries don't help - hearing the voices of people who have since forgotten what they said to me when I am running is also a mountainous hindrance. All things that I'll have to get over during the hour long group PT I'll be doing 5 times a week starting in 30 days (maybe I should dust off the running shoes?).

The lifting has stuck. I enjoy lifting and I'm already seeing results. That feels great. My room is a mess, my mother will attest to that as most of my possessions are not only clogging up the hallway, but also taking over the house. She'll miss me, but not my stuff. As for my books? I've read one. One hilarious book that while necessary for my mental health and relaxation, did not challenge me in anyway. I feel in some way that I have disappointed my English professors with this fact - I'll get back to challenging literature soon, I promise.

So it sounds like I didn't do a lot and I let myself down in a lot of my goals, but it's not like I've done nothing and I still have 30 days. A lot can happen in 30 days, I've just got to be honest with myself.