Let's Make Something Clear

As of right now, I am not going to California. We have been delayed since the start of the shutdown, which began on October 1st. It's day 11 and talks have finally started. I understand that as an employee of the government, I am not allowed to express my "bleeding-heart-liberal" views as this continues. I do want to say that I am frustrated with the furlough. I've been depressed at home considering that a program I was depending on for funding, housing, food, transportation, and loan relief may not be able to operate when this is all said and done. I'm angry that this issue has not been resolved sooner and that it all appears to be over the Affordable Care Act. I am not the biggest fan of the Affordable Care Act, but as it was passed in the Senate, the House, and the Supreme Court, it is already being rolled out. I am also extremely disappointed that just because the Tea Party Representatives in the House do not "like" the Affordable Care Act, they can hold almost a million jobs hostage to try to force their agenda.

Okay, I guess I'm not good with keeping my opinions to myself.

Americorps funding could be cut or canceled. If the shutdown lasts too long, we will be unable to meet our 1,700 hours of community service and Class XX will be shut down in Sacramento and Denver. We could be placed in other classes, but I cannot wait until February and even if I did accept the position at another campus in February, I would fall out of line with college enrollment. After 4 years of being an English major (three of those being English Education), I have finally realized that what I want to do is be an Environmental Engineer. That requires going back to school for a second bachelors degree, which also means I won't be receiving much government aid and I'll have to take those big, bad private loans - which I am not comfortable just jumping right into. So here I am, $40,000 in debt and wondering what I am actually going to do with my life. Americorps was giving me a chance I wouldn't have otherwise.

With that being said, here are some articles and videos that may help anyone reading this blog not only understand how important Americorps is (as the VISTA members are also suffering dearly), but how frustrating living in limbo is as a furloughed employee. Here's hoping this ends before the 17th, when the financial situation really hits crisis.

Americorps Training Stalled by Shutdown, Huffington Post

Senator Elizabeth Warren Voices Her Passionate Assessment of the Shutdown, Upworthy

Making Americorps Cool (Stories About the True Impact of Americorps Volunteers), Buzzfeed

VISTA Members Living in Poverty, The Nation

After 20 Years, Americorps Still Needs Support, The Daily Beast

Some "Essential" Functions of the Government That Might Upset You, Huffington Post

People are More Like Gardens

11 Days Until Liftoff. 

Somewhere during my senior year of college, I began to take this stance of "no excuses." There was no excuse to get my work done, and therefore, there is no excuse from anyone else that would be acceptable. I suppose that might be what happens when I lost a friend from middle school, worked two ResEd jobs, had a full time internship, and I was still a full-time student. My first post also spoke about those accomplishments, but really, I just spent a lot of time pushing myself through the end. College is like a four year marathon and now I'm breathless.

So, while I took up this "No Excuses" stance, I forgot my number one rule: People are beautiful because of all the reasons they're not "perfect" (and not being perfect, means there are exceptions to my college completing rule). People are beautiful for their baggage, their stories, their mistakes. They're eccentric and exciting because of their interests and regions and skills. They're outstanding for every difficulty they've overcome. As an extrovert, I must believe that people are excellent.

People are like gardens. The person standing in front of you is the day's crop, the day's flowers, the day's well-maintained backyard. Of course, there are roots underneath. Each year, each important event creates a new root - new addition is made. While this may seem elementary as a metaphor, it's my way of justifying what is classified as immoral, inappropriate, violent human behavior. Somewhere along the line, an event occurred and the garden wasn't as pure anymore - it's not so well maintained, now there are weeds and no one comes to take care of the garden anymore. There is always the option to come back to your garden, to take care of yourself again, but not everyone is ready go back.

So, how does this apply to Americorps? If I said I wasn't nervous and anxious about meeting new people and making friends, I actually wouldn't be able to make it through the damn sentence as it is such a lie. I get nervous reading the Facebook page, I get nervous thinking about the plane, I get anxious thinking about being away from my blood-relatives and self-made-family-of-friends for the first time in my life. Sure, MSU wasn't my house, but it was still NJ. So, here I am, and I have a choice: Do I leave the garden untended? Do I let the doubts and worries grow in light of the "no excuses" policy? Or do I go back to the garden, get some fresh air, and get to work remembering what I like so much about talking to people?

It's high time for new stories to listen to and to grow a new section of memories in my life. I have a choice, and for 11 more days until liftoff I'm staying positive. 

30 Days to go? Maybe I Should be Honest With Myself

“You're never as good as everyone tells you when you win, and you're never as bad as they say when you lose” - Lou Holtz

With only 30 more days to go, I think it's important to stop and acknowledge whether I've made any progress on the goals I set at the beginning of the summer.

In June, I said I would lose 30 pounds (in addition to the 19 I had already lost) before California, I'd be running everyday and I'd be down to a 10-minute mile. I'd be lifting, I'd have my room clean by September, and I'd have read at least 5 books. Let's discuss.

I've lost 7 pounds. That brings my grand total of weight loss to 26 pounds since I hit my heaviest weight at the end of my junior year. I've been maintaining my weight for almost a month - I'm going to be honest and say maintain and not plateau because I don't necessarily think I've been giving this whole thing the good old college try since camp ended on August 16th. I've ran twice on the pavement since receiving my knee brace the first week of August. Twice. I brought my time from a 15-minute-mile to a 13-minute-mile, but I've only gone twice.

As a side note, I've dislocated my kneecap 3 times and I am not athletically inclined. Years of being teased out of dance, sports, and orchestra left me to theatre in high school, where I was shut down about my singing and dancing. So, here I am: believing I am relatively talentless and extremely uncoordinated. The injuries don't help - hearing the voices of people who have since forgotten what they said to me when I am running is also a mountainous hindrance. All things that I'll have to get over during the hour long group PT I'll be doing 5 times a week starting in 30 days (maybe I should dust off the running shoes?).

The lifting has stuck. I enjoy lifting and I'm already seeing results. That feels great. My room is a mess, my mother will attest to that as most of my possessions are not only clogging up the hallway, but also taking over the house. She'll miss me, but not my stuff. As for my books? I've read one. One hilarious book that while necessary for my mental health and relaxation, did not challenge me in anyway. I feel in some way that I have disappointed my English professors with this fact - I'll get back to challenging literature soon, I promise.

So it sounds like I didn't do a lot and I let myself down in a lot of my goals, but it's not like I've done nothing and I still have 30 days. A lot can happen in 30 days, I've just got to be honest with myself.

Sometime in March I Received a Mysterious Email

I applied for Americorps NCCC at the end of January after speaking to two Americorps Team Leaders. When I applied, I was interning (almost) full time at the Volunteer Center of Bergen County and working two jobs through Montclair State University Residential Education and Services department (Community Assistant [aka RA] and Service Assistant [aka desk slave]). I was also a full time student in my last semester at Montclair State, maintaining my GPA of 3.89 as an English major and Philosophy and Women & Gender Studies minors. I also had a stint being a Education major, but I dropped that the summer before my senior year. Oh, and I was on senior status in my sorority.

Wait, let's start over, I sound boring and really serious. So, while I am really serious about my work (I'm sure there will be more stories at some point), I also like to have fun (no, really, I'm serious about that...wait, here I go with being serious again).

Back to my point, rewind to early January and I'm working over winter break as an SA while the Americorps teams from Sacramento are moving into Bohn Hall to help in Little Ferry and Moonachie for disaster relief (because of my internship site, which was so cool to find out the first day there). I had the pleasure of talking to the Team Leaders from Americorps NCCC Class XIX, Green 6 (Kim) and Americorps NCCC Class XIX, Green 5 (Taylor). I cannot thank them enough for all of their kind words and encouragement - and a special shout out to Liz from New York, who might have been my sister in another life.

Three months later, I was sitting in the front office of the VCBC, working through Spring Break, when I received an email from Americorps NCCC. I shrugged this off immediately because (1) I had already been receiving mysterious emails telling me that my status had changed, go to my page to see, and then I would go to my page and there would be no change AND (2) I had already figured out that I would not be notified of an acceptance into the program until mid-May, close to when I would be graduating. You must imagine my shock when the email actually contained this:

So, I started screaming and crying and called my parents, because that seemed appropriate. 

This has been my dream since the start of my Junior year at Montclair - I started by looking into the Peace Corps, and with much coaxing from my mother, turned to Americorps as my in-state alternative. I had been reading about, talking about, and dreaming about getting accepted for so long that I didn't think it would actually be a possibility: but here I am. I'm 48 days away from Americorps. 48 days away from helping Americans and doing the good work. I'm 48 days from traveling and meeting new people and networking. I'm starting an adventure - my first adventure - at 22 years old. Who knows, maybe I'll even figure out what I actually want to do with my life (thinking of Environmental Science/Environmental Engineer)? But let's not get ahead of myself, right now, I'm still getting ready to start this part of my life.